Big Trip 1971 Epilogue

September, 1971

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Amityville, NY, 1971 to 1972

The journal pages tried to document just what was in the journal and with minimal comments from me. Believe me, as I created each page, I wanted to add a lot of comments from my thoughts now. I think its for the better that I did not - the journal should stand on its own, as it was written at the time.

That said, this epilogue is a place for me to express my thoughts as I continue with what happened next. Since this happened a long time ago, I don't remember some things so you have to read this with some leeway.

Since I apparently didn't keep odometer readings after a while, I don't know exactly how many miles I traveled. But I can make a rough guess with sort of a trip outline:

• Cross Country - Amityville to Kalaloch, Washington - 3,100 miles
• Kalaloch to Seattle - 200 miles
• Seattle to Redding, CA - 600 miles
• Redding to Crater Lake National Park - 200 miles
• Crater Lake National Park to Lassen Volcanic National Park - 300 miles
• Lassen Park to Richardson Grove State Park (Redwoods) - 250 miles
• Richardson Grove to San Francisco - 240 miles
• San Francisco to Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park - 140 miles
• Big Sur to Los Angeles - 250 miles
• Los Angeles area (guessed at) - 250 miles
• Los Angeles, CA to Albuquerque, NM - 800 miles
• Albuquerque, NM to Grand Canyon, AZ - 410 miles
• Grand Canyon to Las Vegas, NV - 275 miles
• Las Vegas, NV to Los Angeles, CA - 300 miles
• Los Angeles to Yreka, CA - 970 miles
• Yreka, CA to Seattle, WA - 500 miles
• Seattle to Vancouver, BC - 140 miles
• Vancouver, BC to Amityville, NY - 3,400 miles


• Guestimated miscellaneous @ 10% - 1,250


• Total - 13,575 miles driven

Mapquest is your friend for this!

Along the way I grew up a lot and learned a lot. I overcame adversity in a number of different forms, I learned so very much about the diversity in people, their outlooks on life, and both the good and bad sides that exist in people. I forced myself to be more open and willing to interact with people and found that not only was it better for me, but I also liked it...usually.

I saw the amazing beauty in this country and made me appreciate even more the fortunate life I led where I could go to such beautiful places. It also helped me understand better my religious beliefs and understand why I feel so close to God when in the back country.

By the end of the trip I felt a lot better about my decision not to go to College right away after High School, which I also knew hurt my parents a lot. I knew for sure that I was not ready then, but I was now if I wanted to go.

I'd also learned to trust my instincts - they were usually pretty good. And that my planning was not so good, though I learned to cope with that.

I don't think I outright knew this at the time, but I learned that life is a journey. It is up to you to make the best of it...

So I went back in to my home, my family in Amityville, New York. I got my job as a Foreman at Boxcrafters, INC back, where the everyone was glad to see me back. I signed up for night classes at Farmingdale Community College, where my Mom & big sister Linda were in the same English class.

I did some casual dating, went to dances and other social activities at the College. The Volkswagen continued to take me places. I'm sure I also went sailing in the 19 foot wooden Lightning sailboat we had since I greatly missed doing that.

I probably had some interesting talks with my parents, but I think they recognized that the trip was very good for me...though they might not have been so happy about my sense of independence.

In October, 1971, I learned that Brooklyn Preparatory High School, was shutting down. I'm sure this was somewhat of a blow to me as I knew how much the Jesuit Fathers there had helped shape my young adolescent life. Between Father Daniel Berrigan, SJ and Mr Charlie Winans you got an education in how to challenge the world, be inquisitive in extremely diverse areas (music, the arts, literature, theater, languages, science, etc) and how to think. This was very helpful to me as I began this new lifestyle I was changing to.

I think that, along with the sage advice I was getting from the old Senior Foreman at Boxcrafters, INC, (essentially, “Don't waste your life here like I have, go to College before I have to kick you butt to get you to go. And get a haircut!“), woke me up. I realized that a full time day job plus full time night school was not fun. More importantly, it was not truly getting me on my way for my life's goals - it was just a convenient pause.

So I faced up to the fact I had to apply for college. I know I had some talks with my parents about this. Times were tight (with six kids in the family, several were already in College or about to go) and I had my thoughts about what I wanted out of college, so we didn't quite see eye-to-eye on this.

I had a lot of possible choices, but I felt that the Colleges close to home were going to hold me back in my life's future development. I did like the West, and it was pretty far away from Amityville, so I looked back to where I'd just been. Let's just say I needed some space to grow up more.

I broke the sad news of my intentions to the people I knew at Boxcrafters INC where they all congratulated me on my decision and wished me luck. They gave me a wonderful card and I can still picture them just by looking at the names. They were good, salt of the earth, people to work with.

I applied for and was accepted at Washington State University (WSU) since they had a good Mechanical Engineering School, and I'd get to live on my own, and its semester costs were low. Its also no coincidence that it was also relatively close to Christy.

I don't know if I had written or communicated with her since I saw her last in Seattle - I almost certainly didn't while traveling back across Canada and most likely not at home until around Thanksgiving - when I got my acceptance at WSU. She mentioned it in her 1971 Xmas card to me.

That's where the letters from Christy start. I wish I had the letters I sent to her. First to see how badly I acted (and I know from what I was like at the time, that I was not helping to build a relationship) and second, to remember what it was I was saying. If I had a time machine I think I'd go back and give myself a few wacks on the side of my head - I should have been a better person and not let my feelings get so much in the way. At very least I could have been a better friend.

So I began preparing for the next big adventure in my life - college.

I took a commercial airplane ride to WSU - the first time I'd ever flown on an airplane. I arrived at the end of the semester break in early January 1972, moving into a dorm, Rogers Hall, as required for all freshmen. As I was getting settled in I learned I had already broken about half of the dorm rules.

My new life adventure was starting off fine.....

As I've gone through my life, I've learned a lot. One major thing is “ No Regrets“. You make your decisions with the best information and intelligence that you have at the time, so go forwards from there. Evaluate those decisions as appropriate and accept your responsibility for them.

Not surprisingly, when I searched the term “Life's Lessons“ on the Internet, it came up with quite a few references. Other people have said this far more eloquently than I can. Here is a list of ones that had me saying “Yes, that's one I've learned!“

In no particular order, I've learned that:

• You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
• Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
• No matter how much I care some people just don't care back.
• First impressions are completely worthless at least 50% of the time.
• Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success.
• It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
• It's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
• Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
• We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
• Either you control your attitude or it controls you.
• Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
• Maturity has more to do with experiences you've had and what lessons you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
• Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
• No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
• It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
• Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
• No matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
• You should never tell a person their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. What a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
• Heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
• You can keep going long after you can't.
• Life is too valuable to throw it away.
• Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child.
• Laughing, crying, joy and anger... All are a vital. All make us human.
• Bad things do happen to good people.
• Most of the time what you are looking for is right in front of you.
• Your health is your life.
• People deserve a second chance, but not a third.
• Take lots of pictures. Someday you'll be really glad you did.
• Your actions now create memories you will reminisce and talk about in your later years.
• Stepping outside of your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you can't grasp now.
• Purposely ignoring the obvious is like walking backwards toward the enemy.
• If you never act, you will never know for sure.
• Chance is a gift, so act on chance when given the opportunity.
• I have a Guardian Angel who is always around, leaving pennies from Heaven for me.
• You must laugh your way to heaven, because tears won't get you there.
• Christianity is much more than a religion. Religion is a pacifier. But Christianity is a way of life.
• Pay it forward. Doing good deeds are, in themselves, their own rewards.

Check out these books for more life lessons and tips:

• Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: 30 True Things You Need to Know Now
• Life's Greatest Lessons: 20 Things That Matter
• If I'd Known Then What I Know Now: Why Not Learn from the Mistakes of Others? : You Can't Afford to Make Them All Yourself

From here, we continue with the letters Christy wrote to me. I so very wish I had the ones I wrote to her so I could see the other side of this correspondence. I have a feeling that I said a lot of “wrong things“ but once said, words can't be taken back.

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Around 2005, I ran across a blog by Erin Pavilna, titled What to do when your paths diverge?. I found to to be quite interesting reading and it gave me some insights into the choices I faced back in the 1970s after meeting Christy. One thing it didn't cover was what happens when the other person makes the decision.

Early on in the course of our letters it became very evident that Christy had chosen a course in her life and it didn't include me. That hurt, but 1) It never was said by her that I was her boyfriend and 2) the course she was chosing was not one that I could follow along with. I knew by February 1972 that whatever brief connection we had was now extinct.

If you want to read this interesting blog, I made a copy of it here - What To Do When Your Paths Diverge

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In 1987 Tiffany's song Could've Been came out and had a big impact on me. Read about that here - Could've Been

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Maps of the Trip

Here are maps of the different sections of the trip.

The dates and places for the trip across Canada back to New York are hypothetical. I know I went through the big towns along the Trans-Canada Highway and I know I stopped in Revelstoke, Thunder Bay, and Sault Ste Marie. I know I went through US Customs at Niagara Falls in the middle of the night. Beyond that, knowing how I was traveling, I just put in likely stopping places for the distance covered.