Wheeler Gorge Campground, near Ojai, California
Will leave today whether I get mail or not, I've decided. Am very undecided as to whether to take anybody home with me. It would be very, very nice and pleasant and educating but it would mean a delay of three to four weeks.
What am I supposed to do for 3-4 weeks? Also what about when I get home? That would mean the end of my planned surprise meeting with Mary. How would she feel about my having brought a girl back with me? Also how long could that girl stay at home before my parents get angry? I guess at a week.
I may be wrong but what if she wants to stay longer and Mom and Dad get angry? What will I do? I wish I had a place of my own so I could offer such hospitality to people.
It's hard to wait three hours to go down and get mail. It never comes before 11:30. I usually wake up at 15 after 8. Ugh.
Well, Mary called it off. Now I have nothing but good old home cooking when I go back home. Plus a lot of trouble about my hair. I wanted so much to see her and greet her and kiss her when I came back. That was the first stop I was going to make on Long Island even if I had to sleep overnight in the car.
Now that is gone. No girlfriend at all. For a “Dear John“ letter it is remarkably precise and final. I wonder if she has found anyone else or just doesn't like what I say in my letters? They're the same as before, I think.
I wish there was something I could say to her but there would be too much to say in just a letter. I'd have to see her. And I'm too far away from home for it to do any good.
Well it might be good for me to go out and get some girls who will go to bed with me. I wish I knew where to find them. I have some idea now but will it do me any good when I get back on Long Island? Can I change myself and be weird and way out and hippiesh? Can I talk to a woman bawdily? For my own good I hope so. And I hope I won't remember Mary too much. We had such good times together.